I must not fear.
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”Frank Herbert, Dune
What started out as me just wanting to drop a quick post about the Bandcamp waiver of their revenue share to help support artists, turned into a bit of self reflection over the last several months. So let me first start with the bandcamp bit.
Today, Friday July 3rd, 2020, Bandcamp is once again waiving their revenue share to help support artists.
They have done this numerous times over the past couple of months or so to help artists during the COVID-19 pandemic. So, this is a great time to help support artists such as myself. If you would like to help support me and my music, or grab an album or single you have yet to get from me. Just click this link to go to my bandcamp page.
Now for the self reflection bit if you’re interested. I apologize as it’s a bit wordy.
I may have actually eluded to this in the past, but nearly all of 2019 and 2020 were not the GREATEST for me and my family. I won’t go too far into the details, but let me just say it really sucked. But through it all, I’ve found that my little family unit here is strong and we’ve persevered. I even managed to squeeze out a bit of music through it all too when I could.
As I noted above, Bandcamp started their revenue share waiver Fridays way back on March 20th, 2020… but for some reason I don’t think I notified anyone on my fan list about it, and I think that might have been based on fear.
Fear of what? I really don’t know….. but…
I think some of it was me thinking it might come across as shallow and desperate.I mean my day job rewards me greatly and I don’t have to suggest to my fans about opportunities to help me with my art…there are other artists out there just trying to live with OUT any other means of generating income. Why would I even want to suggest to anyone to buy my music instead.
In the end, I think I would have to chalk that up quite honestly to fear.
Fear that people might think that.
Fear that it would land on deaf ears.
Fear and anxiety that as you read these very words I’m typing… that’s the way it would come across.
And quite frankly, it’s silly.
And that reminded me of the famous quote from Dune I began this post with.
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Over the past several months, I’ve been dealing with anxiety and fear from everything that’s been going on through 2019 and 2020 with me and my family. And COVID-19 surely hasn’t helped me or ANYONE ELSE. But a couple of months ago, I decided to just take a break from everything. Time off from work, Time off from music, Time off from life.
I’ve spent the entirety of the past couple of months taking care of so many things I put on hold due to those events in life. They became so overwhelming that I just couldn’t focus, so I just stopped everything else so I could focus, and align things in my life.
Before this break, I was running around at 90mph trying to handle everything that was being thrown at me, such as trying to make sure everyone got to their doctors appointments; family members also going through difficult time also had what they needed; and tending to everyone else except me.
During this break, I was still running around at 90mph, but it was taking care of everything I wanted to complete that got put on hold.
I cleaned out and organized every room in the house; I got caught up trivial tasks I just couldn’t do because of the anxiety and fear that had built up; I eliminated things that were just not necessary and were polluting my quality of life. I even picked up a few more sound modules and virtual synths I had been drooling over for months, and slowly started trying to focus on music again. I even started a new company for not only my music but for others.
I took time for me, and in the end, it was amazingly therapeutic.
I’m still suffering a bit from fear and anxiety, but I feel like I have a better control over it than before. I’ve permitted it to pass over me and through me. And soon enough, it will have gone past and only I will remain.
With all of that said, I know there are many others who are not as fortunate as me to take such an extended period to deal with life, but I hope you are finding ways to deal with your own fear and anxiety through these crazy times we are in. One thing I surely know that helps with me and others, is music.
So whether you are interested in my music or others, be sure to take the opportunity if you can and support artists during this time.
If you are dealing with fear and anxiety, reply back to me and tell me your story of how you are dealing with it all. I’d love to hear from you.
I look forward to sharing with you more music in the near future.
Subakh un nar